Causes of family crisis: 4 main periods of difficulty in a relationship
In every family, sooner or later, a crisis occurs in the personal relationship of the wife and husband. And even the most ideal and exemplary couples are no exception. From minor troubles to major disputes and clashes opposing views on the situation. Sometimes it happens that conflicts go beyond the family boundaries. And then the real hostilities begin, in which not only the children take part, but also all of the close circle.
The most important weather in the house
When there is a misunderstanding in the family and the spouses cannot agree between themselves, the man and the woman begin to think about how they lived together before, what connected them and whether they should continue to live together. After all, after serious quarrels and rude words addressed to each other, it seems that there can be no talk of love. But is it worth destroying long-term relationships and the current family only because of another stumbling block.After all, the conflict may not be serious and very soon come to naught.
A rare couple in such cases refers to a family psychologist. After all, this is not customary with us, and there is no time to engage in nonsense when there is still a child, work and household chores. Perhaps this is the mistake of many Russian couples, who eventually break up or independently try to “glue” the remnants of feelings in not always the right ways.
Therefore, in order to understand the intricacies of male and female logic and crises that arise between spouses, let us turn to the many years of experience in family psychology. It describes specific periods of occurrence of difficulties in married couples and their overcoming.
Psychologists identify the greatest likelihood of misunderstanding in families in the first, third, seventh, and fourteenth years of living together for a man and a woman. Let's take a closer look at these periods.
The first year of family life. Lapping
- Gen. You are just starting to live together, and, along with warm feelings and enjoying each other, life and common responsibilities are slowly pouring into your life. This is where the first petty quarrels and conflicts begin.Especially when both spouses have a completely different perception of how a joint life should go and what responsibilities a man should carry out, and which should be performed by a woman. It happens when a girl and a boy were brought up in families with different ways of life.
- Expectations. The second most common reason for quarrels in a young family is unjustified expectations. Everyone has different ideas about married life, and if a girl and a young man did not discuss or discuss what their life together would look like, then after the wedding, misunderstanding and disagreement sometimes begins. Especially when one spouse likes to be constantly in the center of attention and among friends, while the other prefers a quiet family life. This situation is greatly aggravated with the advent of the baby in the family.
- Lack of feelings When marriage is done in a hurry, for various reasons, but not for love. This happens when a girl wants to get married soon, and the young man turns out to be burdened with the pregnancy of her second half. In this case, already in the first year of living together, discontent with each other and mutual complaints begin.
- Bad habits.Usually, right after the wedding, the lovers begin to notice the shortcomings of each other. They find the spouse is not as perfect as it seemed before. In particular, some well-established habits in a person that he is not going to give up are beginning to annoy. For example, smoking or drinking, the love of computer games.
- Compromise Learn to negotiate and give in to each other. For example, if you strongly wish your husband to wash the dishes, then sometimes agree to take the responsibility of taking out the garbage.
- Learn to forgive minor flaws to each other. None of us is perfect, and you need to understand that if you do not like something in your husband, he will also find more than one moment in your appearance, behavior, or habits that do not suit him. Therefore, if a woman herself is not ready to change globally, then it is not necessary to demand this from her husband.
- Discuss how each of you imagines family life. The sooner you discuss all the nuances and future plans, the easier it will be to continue to move in one direction.
- Respect each other, do not hurt a loved one with rude words, even if you understand that your life together is on the verge.
- Immediately distribute household chores so that you do not have to remind each other about cleaning or taking out the garbage, and quarrel over domestic details.
- Do not hush up insults and immediately say that you are not satisfied or dislike in a person. Just do it in a relaxed atmosphere, without raising the tone.
The third. Testing feelings for strength
- A real test of the feelings of a young couple begins with the appearance of a child. After all, it requires a lot of attention and effort, especially from a woman. She becomes tired and irritable. After all, you need to actively take care of the baby and she devotes all her free time to him. Against this background, disagreements begin. Because the husband's attention is also important.
- Intimate life is no longer as stormy and vibrant as before. Now most often it becomes just “not up to it”. After all, with the advent of children in the family, free time becomes much less and sometimes you want to get a good sleep when there is an extra few hours.
- Financial disputes also begin to arise more often, as incomes are now divided into children. It is necessary to adapt to family spending and to deny myself something in order to meet the budget.Most often, wives begin to cut their husbands for insufficiently high wages and say that the husband does not provide for the family well. If you do not reconsider your earnings strategy in time or decide for yourself what a good wealth or family is more important, then serious disagreements sometimes lead to the separation of the couple.
- With the advent of the child, the couple has a hard time at first. And instead of reproaches and mutual claims, you need to find the strength to encourage and support each other. After all, this is just one of the stages of your life together, though not simple, but very happy. Believe, it will be easier further, and you will remember these moments later with a smile and joy.
- Try to find time for each other. Give the children a little grandmother. Spend at least a few hours alone to express your feelings.
- Regardless of the cause of disputes and disagreements arising in your family, you should not embroil your relatives and friends. Try yourself and alone to solve controversial issues.
Seventh. Rethinking life
- Children are already going to the garden or school, their career has been adjusted, the financial side has also been adjusted.At first glance, everything is fine, but in reality it becomes impossibly monotonous and boring. Spouses do not have enough surge of emotion and something new. In addition, feelings for his own wife or husband are gradually rubbed in, and I want interesting communication with other members of the opposite sex.
- It begins to seem that all life passes by, and that vital routine that is at the moment (work and family life) binds you hand and foot. And here more often the wife blames the husband, and he is hers.
- Introduce any innovations into your well-established life. Remember, we manage our own happiness. If you still love your husband, and he you, but life is monotonous, do not let her turn into a "Groundhog Day." Zatelo repair home, go on interesting trips, find a joint hobby.
- It will be useful for women to start caring for themselves and taking care of themselves. To stir up the interest of her husband to himself and return the highlight in the relationship.
- Be grateful to each other for the years spent together and understand that the spouse is not just help and support, he is still your favorite person who deserves care and affection. Do not skimp on the expression of feelings.
Fourteenth year of married life
- Life is established, children have grown up, and it remains only to provide them and provide support. Relationships become smoother and more like friendship.
- Despite the fact that children are already quite adult, sometimes parents still have differences of opinion on how they should be brought up, where to get an education and at what age to start a family.
- Feelings between partners are becoming more and more calm, and at some point there is a feeling of coldness and detachment.
- Look at your partner with new eyes. It seems to you that you already know him as yourself, but far from it. Imagine that you met him again. Visit together where he spent his childhood, chat with his friends and family. In passing glance to his work and ask how the working day. Or go on a joint journey to exactly where your spouse dreamed to visit all his life.
- Learn to accept a different opinion from yours. Do not always dictate "their rules." Allow your grown children to make independent decisions and actions, having warned in advance about possible difficulties and responsibilities.
The success of resolving a family crisis largely depends on its severity. Psychologists have noted several degrees of the marital crisis. A light crisis usually occurs suddenly and also ends unexpectedly. A moderate crisis lasts up to three months. If quarrels in the family dragged on longer than half a year, then this is a severe family crisis. He is able to destroy even the most powerful feelings, because love gradually fades away and mutual hostility arises.
In order to avoid family crises due to mutual cooling, spouses should not turn their marriage into a habit. To do this, you must always show your partner how dear you are and mean to you, but you should not forget about your own interests either. Always remember that happiness does not come by itself, but is created by two loving people.