The appearance of the second child in the family
With the advent of the second child in the family, as a rule, the firstborn feels most deprived. After all, he always considered himself the only pet, and now someone else appears and takes away all the attention and care of parents for themselves.
When a second child appears, it is difficult to avoid jealousy on the part of the elder. To minimize resentment and zealous behavior of the firstborn, it is necessary to prepare him in advance for the appearance of a younger brother or sister.
- Psychology is recommended to inform the first child about the upcoming replenishment in the family already at the stage of pregnancy. It is best to do this for a period after 12 weeks, when the mother’s tummy is slightly noticeable and the threat of miscarriage becomes less likely.
- Show him the photos and videos, in which the firstborn is also quite a baby. Tell us how everyone rejoiced at his appearance, cared for him and guarded him, what were his first achievements. Show the little vests, hats and his first favorite toys, so that he realizes that he, too, was once quite small.
- Give your child a gift that will make him feel more mature. For example, buy a doll carriage for a girl, and a bicycle for a boy.
- If you have to rearrange the room where the eldest child sleeps in order to put a bed for the younger one, then it is better to do this in advance a few months before the birth of a brother or sister. So it will be easier for your son or daughter to get used to, and he will not feel evicted.
After the appearance of the baby
At first, after the appearance of the baby, the eldest child is very vulnerable, because he is experiencing the moment of getting used to the new life and to the fact that mother's attention is now constantly directed at someone else. Therefore, it is so important now to try to allocate time for the first child, even if it is very difficult. Surround him with extra attention and help cope with conflicting experiences and feelings. More often stay with him alone, at least for half an hour a day, so that he can ask all his questions and hear words confirming your love towards him. Play together, read books before bedtime. Even if the mother does not manage to devote a lot of time to the child, the rest of the household should do so that he does not feel abandoned.
Be sure to consult and engage the firstborn to help. For example, if you go to the store for baby supplies, let him choose a rattle or a hat for a younger brother or sister. At home, ask him to help bring a diaper or a bottle of water for the crumbs. And each time praise him and underline how well you have such an assistant and that you yourself would not have coped without him.
It is not necessary to force care for the younger, if the older child categorically refuses to do it or does not yet know how to care for the little ones. Avoid the phrases "you must," "you must." First of all, he is still a child and has the right to do so. As they grow older, it will naturally come to the realization that he is the eldest and the firstborn will start caring for a little brother or sister.
If the daughter or son themselves are called to help and look after the baby, you should not refuse. But only with this you need to control the process all the time and not leave the children alone. Even if the firstborn is old enough and claims that he is fully capable of handling the toddler, you are always there. Do not say directly that you are afraid of the toddler, so that the older one will not drop it.Show the trick and tell me what you want to admire, how he copes well with the role of a nanny. Be sure to praise for taking care.
Equality in the family
Every child wants to feel loved and surrounded by care and attention. But when mother begins to devote just a little more affection and time to the second, the first already feels injustice towards him. To prevent this from happening, psychologists advise to always and in all show equality. That is, for example, equally to encourage and punish children. But is it possible in practice, because the children are different? Everyone has a different character and age. They are individual and, in order not to cut one size fits all, you need to respect and take into account the opinion of each. For this, it is worth saving a few rules.
- The younger ones like to repeat everything after the older ones. Therefore, so that the second child does not become the “shadow” of the firstborn with the same hobbies and aspirations, always ask what he likes and what he would like to do. For example, when you turn on cartoons, read books or when you are going to give your children to a circle or a sports section.
- Protect not only the youngest child from the eldest, but also vice versa.For example, do not let a child destroy towers from the designer, built by the firstborn or hide the favorite toys of the elder from the little toddler, if you are afraid that he will break them.
- Even if the first child is already an adult up to 15-17 years old, you should not think that he needs less attention, and he no longer needs you. Always show interest and take time to communicate with him, to find out what he feels and support him. Of course at this age, a teenager does not necessarily show by his behavior that he is very worried and this may be a hidden jealousy, but in any case you should not leave him unattended. Ignoring by the mother is very bad for the psyche of the firstborn.
The main goal of parents with the advent of the second child in the family is to help the first child to maintain a sense of balance and feel with pleasure that he is already an adult compared to the baby.